Dragonflight in Half an Hour
by calenlily
Summary: The condensed version. Utterly cracktastic play-by-play "summary" of Dragonflight.
1. Weyr Search

_Disclaimer_: I do not own _Dragonflight_ or indeed anything related to DRoP with the exception of a few insane plot bunnies that I'm not sure I even want to claim ownership of. If you recognize a reference to some other story in here? Guess what, I don't own those either. And in no way do I advise this "summary" as an alternative to actually reading the books._  
A/N_: Most of my fic on here is serious writing. So that means you readers probably don't the insanity that is the majority of my mind. This, on the other hand, is a glimpse of it. No, there is no literary merit whatsoever. No, there is no point to it. Just pure and utter crackfic.  
There's a community on livejournal which creates hilarious little parody summaries called "movies in 15 minutes" (community name: m15m), which I am in no way affiliated with, but would highly recommend. As I was rereading _Dragonflight_ for the millionth time recently, I wrote a summary of one scene in that general style. And then I wrote another scene. And then I got a really bad idea. _What if I did the entire book?_ And, as usual, I couldn't resist the plot-bunny. (Evil little buggers.) So I present _Dragonflight in 15 Minutes_ ... or maybe not just 15 minutes, it _is_ a play-by-play summary of a nearly three-hundred-page book. Half an hour, maybe?

Speech, _Thoughts,_ /Actions and Emotions/ and the random "3"s are supposed to be that "little less than three" heart thing, but as usual ate half my symbols and format stuff.

_**Dragonflight**_** in Half an Hour  
**

_Weyr Search_

Red Star: /Glare/  
Lessa: /Shiver/  
Lessa: Wha?  
Ruatha: /Wither/  
Lessa: Chaos, panic, disorder. My work here is done.

Fax: I'm evil and offensive!  
F'lar: /Hate/  
Lessa: /Mind games/  
Dragons: Rawr  
F'lar: What's wrong with this picture?  
Fax: /Offensive/  
F'lar: /Challenging/  
Gemma: Oh noes!  
Gemma: /Goes into labor/  
Everyone: Oh noes!  
Fax: Sure I'll renounce Ruatha … for the kid  
F'lar: Oh snap!  
Lessa: /Vindictive/  
Gemma: /Ded/  
Lessa: Whoops  
Lessa: The kid's alive  
F'lar: Oh snap!  
Fax: /Rage/  
Lessa: /Knocked out/  
F'lar: Notsofast!  
Fax: /Insulting/  
F'lar: I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! ... No wait, wrong story.  
Fax: I keel j00!  
F'lar: No, I keel j00!  
Fax: /Ded/  
F'lar: What have we here?  
Lessa: Ruatha is mine! Bwa ha ha!  
F'lar: You sure you're supposed to be good?  
Lessa: Run away, run awaaay!  
F'lar: Oh noes!  
Mnementh: Lookie what I found!  
Lessa: /Fume/  
F'lar: You, you're comin with me.  
Lessa: Says who?  
Flar: /Facepalm/  
F'lar: Status?  
Lessa: Meh  
F'lar: Power?  
Lessa: Meh  
F'lar: Fight the Red Star?  
Lessa: Ooh  
F'lar: You can has dragon  
Lessa: Oh, fine  
Watch-wher: /Attack/  
Lessa: Oh noes!  
Watch-wher: /Whoops/  
Watch-wher: /Ded/  
Dragons: Waah!  
Lessa: Waah!  
F'lar: Wha?  
F'lar + Lessa: /Gone/

Lessa: Clean!  
F'lar: He-ey!  
Lessa: /Glower/  
F'lar: /Advice/  
Lessa: Wha?  
Dragon eggs: /Hatch/  
Candidates: /Scared/  
Lessa: _Wimps_  
Hatchlings + Candidates: /Chaos/  
Ramoth: /Hatch/  
Girls: /Terrified/  
Ramoth: /Charge/  
Girl 1: /Ded/  
Girl 2: /Ded/  
Lessa: 3!  
Ramoth: 3!


	2. Dragonflight

_Disclaimer_: Comprenez-vous _fan_fiction?  
_A/N_: The second installment (and probably my favorite one). I was so overwhelmed by all the lovely reviews that I was inspired to post this part early. Thanks guys! Yes, don't worry, I am going to do the entire book, I just felt it was a bit long to post all at once.

To those of you who are reading _Shards!_, my other DRoP fic, I am definitely going to write more on it. However, I probably won't have anything new on it for at least a month, since I'm starting on a novel for NaNoWriMo this weekend. On the other hand, there's always a chance, depending on how the plot bunnies come.

Speech, _Thoughts,_ /Actions and Emotions/, "3!" = heart emoticon, because ff .net is a formatting-eating beast.

_**Dragonflight**_** in Half an Hour  
**

_Dragonflight_

R'gul: I'm an overbearing incompetent arse!  
S'lel: Me too!  
R-gul + S'lel: /Argue/  
Ballad: /Incomprehensible/  
Lessa: /Frustrated/  
Manora: There's not enough foodLessa: Oh noes!  
Lessa: /Plot/  
Lessa: I hate this place  
Ramoth: /Wakes/  
Lessa: 3!  
F'lar: /Smug/  
Lessa: /Glower/  
Ramoth: /Impatient/  
Lessa: /Frustrated/  
Messenger from Ruatha: /Obsequious/  
Bronze Riders: /Storm in/  
Lessa: /Baiting/  
Bronze Riders: /Argue/  
Lessa: /Mind games/  
F'lar: Oh no you don't!  
Lessa: /Fume/

Lessa: /Challenging/  
F'nor: Yeah, _you_ screwed up  
Lessa: Wha?  
F'nor: /Explain/  
Lessa: Whoops  
Bronzes: /Blood kills/  
Bronze Riders: Par-tay!  
R'gul: /Leer/  
Lessa: Wuzzgoinon?  
F'nor: /Facepalm/  
F'lar: /Not there/  
F'nor: Oh noes!  
R'gul: /Evil laugh/  
Lessa: _I know something you don't know_  
Lessa: _Mnementh, get your ass back here!_  
R'gul: /Evil laugh/  
Lessa: Eff you!  
F'lar: Hi guys  
R'gul: Oh noes!  
Ramoth: Rawr  
Ramoth + Lessa: /Battle of wills/  
Ramoth: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, you can't catch me  
Bronzes: /Give chase/  
Bronzes: /Fall behind/  
Ramoth: I pwn j00, fools!  
Ramoth: /Goes for Orth/  
Mnementh: Oh no you don't!  
Ramoth: Wha? …Ah well, that works  
Lessa: /Confused/  
F'lar: /Condescending/  
Lessa: 3!

F'lar: /Smug/  
Mnementh: Notsofast  
F'lar: Whatever  
Lessa: /Icy/  
Mnementh: Crisis alert!  
F'lar: Oh noes!  
R'gul: /Pompous/  
F'lar: Haha, pwned! I'm Weyrleader now  
R'gul: /Fume/  
F'lar: /Plot/  
Bronze Riders: Wha?  
Lessa: /Smirk/  
F'lar: That's enough  
Lessa: /Pout/  
Lessa: /Explain/  
F'lar: /Explain/  
R'gul: /Sputter/  
Bronze Riders: /Cheer/  
Mnementh: We should bring Lessa  
F'lar: Whatever

Holders: /Rage/  
Dragons: /Appear/  
Holders' Mounts: /Hysteria/  
Holders: Oh noes!  
Holders: /Make demands/  
F'lar: Whatever  
F'lar: /Give orders/  
Holders: Wha?  
F'lar: We've got your ladies  
Holders: O rly?  
F'lar: Ya rly  
More Dragons: /Appear with hostage ladies/  
Holders: Oh noes!  
F'lar: Haha, pwned!  
F'lar: /Give orders/  
Holders: /Pout/  
Lessa + Ramoth: /Appear/  
Everyone: Ooh, shiny!  
F'lar: /Facepalm/  
F'lar: /Trying to save face/  
Holders: /Retreat/  
F'lar: _Finally_  
F'lar: /Angry/  
Mnementh: Calm down  
F'lar: /Pout/  
Lessa: See, queens can fly  
F'lar: /Facepalm/  
F'lar: /Shakes her/


	3. Dust Fall

_Disclaimer_: Comprenez-vous _fan_fiction?  
_A/N_: The third installment. Only one more to go!  
Sure signs of writing too much DRoP fanfiction: I can now spell 'Mnementh' without even having to think about it.

Speech, _Thoughts,_ /Actions and Emotions/, "3!" = heart emoticon, because ff .net is a formatting-eating beast.

_**Dragonflight**_** in Half an Hour  
**

_Dustfall_  
R'gul: /Defiant/  
F'lar: /Ridicule/  
R'gul: /Pout/  
Lessa: /Petulant + Challenging/  
F'lar: _Bad, bad morning_  
F'lar: I'll teach you how to fly _between_  
Lessa: Ooh!  
Dragons: /Restless/  
Lessa: /Emotional/  
Mnementh: /Advice/  
F'lar: Shut up  
Lessa: Wha?  
F'lar: Whoops  
F'lar: /Explain/  
Lessa: /Overconfident/  
F'lar: /Angry/  
Lessa: /Bored/  
Lessa + Ramoth: /To Ruatha/  
Ruatha: /13 Turns ago/  
Fax: /Invade/  
Lessa: Wha?  
Lessa: /Freaked/  
Lessa + Ramoth: /To Benden/  
F'lar + Mnementh: /Not there/  
Lessa + Ramoth: /To Ruatha/  
Ruatha: /3 Turns ago/  
Lessa: /Extra-freaked/  
Lessa + Ramoth: /To Benden/  
F'lar: /Angry/  
F'lar: /Shakes her/  
F'lar: Where were you?  
Lessa: Ruatha  
F'lar: O rly?  
Lessa: Ya rly!  
F'lar: Lies, all lies!  
Lessa: /Pout/  
Mnementh + Ramoth: Iss true  
F'lar: Whoops  
F'lar: What happened?  
Lessa: /Explain/  
F'lar: Wha?  
F'lar: Huh  
Lessa: /Tremble/  
F'lar: _Maybe that'll teach her_  
Mnementh: /Snort/  
F'lar: _…Or not_  
Lessa: /Explain/  
Lessa: /Tremble/  
F'lar: /Comforting/ /For once/  
F'lar + Mnementh: /Timetravel/  
Benden: /15 Turns ago/  
Nemorth: /Mate/  
Young!F'lar: /Pout/  
F'lar: /Freaked/  
F'lar: Whoops

Records: /Stink/  
Lessa: /Frustrated/  
Lessa: /Rebel/  
F'lar: /Sigh/  
Lessa: Oh, fine  
Ramoth: /Lays eggs/  
F'lar: OMG!  
Weyrfolk: OMG!  
Lessa: /Left behind/  
Lessa: /Pout/  
Ramoth: /Smug/  
Queen Egg: /Glisten/  
Weyrfolk: OMG!  
Lessa: /Proud/  
F'lar: /Smug/  
Lessa: /Pleasant/ /For once/

F'lar: /Revolutionary/  
Bronze Riders: /Pout/  
Lessa: /Support/

Eggs: /Hatch/  
Candidates: Ooh!  
Visitors: Ooh!  
Lessa: It's over?  
F'lar: LOL  
Lessa: /Pout/

Lessa: /Nightmare/  
Ramoth: /Nightmare/  
Lessa: /Freaked/  
F'lar: Whatever  
F'nor: Freakish dust storms  
F'lar: Oh noes! Iss Thread!  
F'nor: Whoops  
F'lar: /Frustrated/  
Lessa: I can talk to all dragons!  
F'lar: /Facepalm/  
F'lar: /Accusing/  
Lessa: /Pout/  
F'lar: We should timetravel!  
F'nor: Wha?  
R'gul: Wuzzgoinon?  
F'lar: Thread  
R'gul: No wai!  
Lessa: Wai!  
Ramoth: /Poke/  
R'gul: /Pout/  
F'lar: /Give orders/  
Lessa: 3!

Thread: /Fall/  
Dragons: /Flame/

Dragons: /Return/  
Dragons: Owies!  
Women: /Tend/  
C'gan: /Ded/  
Tagath: /Disappear/  
Dragons: Waah!  
Lessa: /Pout/

F'lar: /Brood/  
Lessa: /Reassuring/  
Kylara: /Flirt/  
Lessa: /Annoyed/  
F'lar: Send her back in time  
Lessa: Wha?  
F'lar: No rly  
Lessa: Ooh!  
F'lar: /Plot/  
Future!F'nor: Oh noes!  
F'lar + Lessa: Wha?  
Future!F'nor: /Leave/  
Lessa: O.o  
F'lar: Whatever  
Lessa: 3!


	4. The Cold Between

_Disclaimer_: Uh, yeah, so not mine._  
A/N_: Here we go, the last section! Iss done! Yes, my lovely reviewers (whom I cannot thank enough), of course I'm finishing it. I don't start stories and then just not finish them ... well, not anymore anyways, I used to be kind of bad about that. But not anymore! Okay, I'm rambling. I'll shut up now.  
Due to popular demand, I will _consider_ doing similar versions of _Dragonquest_ and _The White Dragon_. It's a fun idea, however, I don't actually own copies of those ones (to my great dismay), which would make the project more difficult. Also, if I do write more, don't expect it until at least the beginning of December, because as I stated before, I'm doing NaNoWriMo and even though my fanfic plot bunnies are very tempting, I seriously don't have time for them.  
I like the word "plot". It's a fun word. Much more fun than "plan". ...Accuracy? Meh. Who cares about accuracy? This is parody.

Speech, _Thoughts,_ /Actions and Emotions/, "3!" = heart emoticon, because ff .net is a formatting-eating beast.

_**Dragonflight**_** in 15 Minutes**

_The Cold Between_

Lessa + F'nor: *To Southern*  
Lords: *Angry*  
F'lar: *Explain*  
Robinton: *Mock*  
Lords: *Pout*  
Future!F'nor: Hi  
Robinton: *Sing*  
F'lar: Huh  
Robinton: *Perceptive*  
F'lar: *Explain*  
Robinton: O.o  
Southern: *Sparkle*  
Lessa: Ooh!  
F'nor + Lessa: *Plot*  
Ramoth: *Pout*  
F'nor + Lessa: *To Benden*  
Lessa: *Faint*  
F'lar + F'nor: O.o  
F'nor: *Timetravel*  
Lessa: *Zonked*  
F'lar: 3!

Vincet: *Pout*  
Fandarel: I can has agenothree?  
Thread burrows: *Ded*  
F'lar: Huh  
Robinton: Strangeness  
Lessa: Wha?  
F'lar: *Explain*  
Lessa: *Epiphany*  
F'lar: No wai!  
F'lar: *Shakes her*  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Robinton: Wine?  
Lytol: We can has tapestry!  
Lessa: Ooh!

Lessa + Ramoth: *Timetravel*  
F'lar: Oh noes!  
F'lar: *Hysterical*  
Robinton + Lytol: Oh noes!  
Ruatha: *400 Turns ago*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *Appear*  
Lord of Ruatha: O.o  
Mardra + T'ton: O.o  
Lessa: *Delerious*  
Lessa: Come to the future  
Mardra + T'ton: Wha?  
Lessa: *Explain*  
Mardra + T'ton: O.o  
Lessa + Oldtimers: *Timetravel*  
Lytol: You're late  
Lessa: Wha?  
Lytol: *Explain*  
Lessa: Whoops  
Lytol: Go. F'lar's worrying  
Lessa: He'll shake me!  
Everyone: Whatever  
Lessa + Oldtimers: *Timetravel*  
F'lar: 3!  
F'lar: *Shakes her*  
Oldtimers: O.o  
Lessa: I told you he'd shake me  
Oldtimers: Hi  
F'lar: O.o  
Fandarel: I can has flamethrower!

R'gul: *Panic*  
Lessa: _I know something you don't know_  
Lessa: LOL  
F'lar: *Explain*  
R'gul: *Disbelieving*  
Oldtimers: *Arrive*  
R'gul: *Facepalm*  
R'gul: *Drunk*  
Weyrleaders: *Plot*  
F'lar: Queens fly Thread?  
Oldtimers: *Facepalm*  
F'lar: *Facepalm*  
F'nor: LOL  
F'lar: I know something you don't know  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Lessa: I can has flamethrower?  
F'lar: And I'm sending Kylara away  
Lessa: 3!

Threads: *Fall*  
Dragons: *Flame*  
F'lar: Fwee!


End file.
